Rumor Roundup

The MacWorld keynote generally plays out as follows: Steve jobs comes out and tells everyone that there is a bunch of exciting stuff headed their way. Then he puts the past year into the most positive light possible and starts showing off new software. Sooner or later he whips out some hardware and people gasp. Finally, as the event is winding down, out comes the “one more thing.” People see whatever shiny bauble Steve starts demoing and, in a scene vaguely reminiscent of a snake handling, speaking in tongues Church service, go into a new product induced euphoria. Honestly, Steve could introduce the iPB&J on toast, the first sandwich toasted via USB (not FireWire of course) and as long as it was the “one more thing” people would rock back and forth in ecstasy. The next day the web would be full of reports of how the iPB&J will change everything as soon as it gets a better graphics card. On the other hand, the iPB&J does sound pretty cool…

What is even better than attending MacWorld and being transported to some ephemeral plane comprised of the purest enjoyment by a turtleneck-wearing megalomaniac? Why knowing what is coming before it shows up, of course! Or at least thinking you know what is coming before it shows up. So let’s have some one-stop rumor shopping!

Int_el Inside

The following Macs have been rumored to be showing up at MacWorld using Intel chips:
iBook, PowerBook, mini, iMac.

That list leaves out only the slow selling PowerMac, the no selling xServe and the D’oh selling eMac. They can’t all possibly be updated. For what it is worth, the preponderance of the rumors point to the iBook.

Apple Branded PVR

This rumor holds that the mini will be outfitted with an Intel chip and reconfigured for use as a Personal Video Recorder. An interesting and, seemingly, logical notion. To pull it off Apple will need to pack larger hard drives in the mini and add some extra ports heading out. Consider the way paved by the last iMac revision.

Smaller iPod shuffles

Well, of course. Small enough so the free laser engraving won’t be possible? I hope so, anyone who has ever caught a whiff of burning plastic knows what a noxious order it produces. Imagine the stench surrounding Apple’s engraving station.

1 GB nano

A 1 GB iPod with the size of a nano and all the storage of a shuffle, it would seem to be the worst of both worlds: more limited storage in a larger form factor. You do get screen to compensate for the extra bulk so it might be attractive to some but to the majority of folks just how compelling would a shufflin’ nano be?

Video Nano

A nano that plays video just like the full function iPod? Seems (ha, ha) likely. After all, you’re always hearing people complain that the screen of their regular iPod is just too big for comfortable movie watching. And face it, having to swing your head from side to side to watch a tennis match on the iPod’s overly generous 2.5 inch screen is an invitation for whiplash.

Airport upgrade

People are calling it Airport ultra but that doesn’t seem tenable. Once you’re at “ultra” what would you call the next revision? Ne plus Ultra? No good, as used in this context they’re synonyms. Maybe Airport “Really Frickin’ Fast” or something? If a PVR shows up then this would be a likely add on, if not expect Apple to keep charging positively ridiculous prices for their current Airport base stations.

Online Movie Store

With iTunes now selling shorts, TV shows and songs the concept seems a like a predictable progression. Sure, there will be bandwidth issues for the US, where our bandwidth is comparable to Tierra Del Fuego. Still, think all of those lucky folks in Asia. Now our far eastern friends will be able to watch American classics, like Gigli, on their computers without the cumbersome trip to the mailbox.

iLife ‘06

Let’s see, in January of ‘03 the original package of iApps was brought together to form iLife. Then there was a revision with iLife ‘04. A year later, we got iLife ‘05. Will another version of iLife debut? Perhaps we could us use some mathematics to help us out here. Our pattern, so far, is as follows: i2003, i2004, i2005...? Not being the best at set theory, I couldn’t possibly begin to guess what number comes next but I’ll wager it is something multiplied the square root of -1.

Bluetooth Mighty Mouse

Lose your tail my little white friend? Then you can hardly be called a mouse can you? I dub thee: The Wireless Mighty Soap Bar Ultra Extreme!

Numbers

There’s a notion that Apple could release a spreadsheet program to go with Pages and Keynote. Thus making Microsoft Office Suite completely superfluous for the Microsoft haters among us. The speculation continues that Microsoft will become so enraged that they will then drop all support for the Mac. If it means killing Office for the Mac it isn’t likely to happen but if the folks at Redmond are fine with the idea, well it just might come to pass. I will note, at some point, Apple really ought to consider releasing a fully compatible replacement for Access. It’s great to keep releasing Apple Office equivalents for programs most Mac users already have but, even nicer, would be replacement for something the Mac is actually missing with Microsoft Office.

iPB&J

While it is difficult to track down just where the iPB&J rumor started Jobs may have been alluding to it when he made the bagel toasting iPod comment. Truly, the move would revolutionize the nascent computer/sandwich preparation market and would send a strong signal to all would be digital comestible preparation wannabes. The downside is that any foray into the digitally prepared bread sided foodstuffs market would likely come with too little system memory.

Well that’s a bevy of rumors and predictions. So many, in fact, that were they all to happen the keynote would be roughly three days long. So, pick the ones you like, reject the ones you don’t. Chances are, you’ll still be in for a surprise come January 9. One thing you won’t see, one thing that is too outlandish to even consider, is a television ad featuring something other than an iPod. Sure, Steve has done unexpected stuff before, but advertising a Mac on TV? Pure crazy talk!